Obvious bullies in the workplace

• Easily triggered screamer
• Pushy obnoxious jerk
• Micromanaging control freak
• Arrogant self-righteous know-it-all

The master manipulator

• How does he manipulate?
• How does he think?
• Primer on manipulation
• His disguise makes him dangerous

Methods of manipulation:

1. Distortion of human relationship
2. Lack of respect for others
3. Exploit negative personality traits

How a manipulator thinks:

1. Image vs. reality
2. Center of his own universe
3. Master of deception
4. Full of rationalizations

Identifying a bully

• Basic methods
• His followers
• Classic characteristics

Basic bully methods:

1. Manipulates through seduction
2. Intimidates through verbal aggression
3. Uses political gamesmanship
4. Plays mind games
5. Disguises true intentions and emotions

Qualities of followers:

1. Good
2. Idealistic
3. Passive
4. Self-critical
5. Fearful
6. Vulnerable

Classic bullying characteristics:

1. Recurring outbursts
2. Serious threats
3. Intentional harassment
4. Harsh ridicule

Visible bullying traits:

1. Controls you
2. Very ambitious
3. Overly confident
4. Strong-willed
5. Argumentative
6. Judgmental
7. Highly critical
8. Character assassin
9. Vengeful

Hidden traits:

1. Charming
2. Obsessed with image
3. Distorts truth and reality
4. Evasive
5. Plays the victim
6. Self-righteous
7. Pompous
8. Hypocritical
9. Two-faced
10. Rumor-monger
11. Passive-aggressive
12. Pretends to care

Subtle signs of bullying:

1. Your boss acts like a close friend
2. You’re confused at work
3. You have to keep your guard up
4. You’re miserable at work
5. Your job is ruining your life

Signs of a toxic workplace:

1. Widespread anger and frustration
2. Workplace bully is admired
3. Scapegoats are always blamed
4. Dysfunctional relationships
5. Dysfunctional meetings
6. Obvious hypocrisy
7. Overly restrictive systems
8. Incompetent or powerless HR manager

Management encourages bullying:

1. Remote from employees
2. Bully is part of management “club”
3. Seems to deal with bully
4. Bullying is rewarded
5. Effort to appease a workplace bully

Steps to an invincible attitude:

1. Venting
2. Get some perspective
3. Prepare for the worst
4. Commit to see it through

Basic methods for fighting

• Stages of fighting
• Intensity levels
• Your style
• Staying alert

Stages of fighting:

• Stage 1: Becoming aware
• Stage 2: Performing diagnosis
• Stage 3: Preparing to fight
• Stage 4: Fighting back

Basic levels of response

1. Gentle: Ignore bullying
2. Active: Confirm bullying
3. Assertive: Respond with skill
4. Aggressive: Use with caution!
5. Vicious: Not recommended!

Your style:

1. Calm, cool and collected
2. Honest, sincere and positive
3. Simple, powerful communication
4. Humor
5. Lighten up

How to stay alert:

1. Be skeptical, not naive
2. Anticipate his next move
3. Don’t let your guard down

Primary responses:

1. Interrupting
2. Questioning
3. Paraphrasing
4. Resolving the issue
5. Humorous responses
6. Avoiding mistakes

Things to avoid:

1. Don’t be defensive
2. Don’t be timid
3. Don’t be fooled
4. Don’t stoop to his level

Advanced technique

1. Absorb his attack
2. Subdue him
3. Give a controlled response
4. Handle objections
5. Deal with continued aggression
6. Calmly disengage

Tools for fighting

• Uncover true meaning and intentions
• Don’t let him steamroll you
• Handle him in meetings
• Have fun at his expense
• Adopt a strong posture

Uncovering true intentions

1. Force clarification
2. Reveal subtle attacks
3. Clarify the issue
4. Diffuse the monologues

Don't let a bully steamroll you

1. Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted
2. Repeat yourself until he responds
3. Don’t let him change the subject

Have fun at expense of the bully:

1. Act mildly amused by his antics
2. Mock his angry outbursts
3. Compliment his bullying behavior
4. Put words in his mouth
5. Mimic or mock his negativity
6. Mock his criticism of you
7. Use sarcasm (Not recommended!)
8. Say something abrupt or outrageous
9. Tell him you love your job

Adopt a strong posture

1. Just say no
2. Give a strong speech
3. Suggest ending the relationship

Weapons against...

• Threats
• Harassment
• Ridicule
• Aggressive body language
• Rumor-mongering

Categories of Bullies

• A. Non-threatening bully
• B. Consistent bully
• C. Highly aggressive bully

Friendly fighting

1. Ignore the bullying
2. Dismiss the bullying
3. Seek to understand the bully
4. Give a friendly speech

Moderate response

1. Just say no
2. Put him off
3. Confront him privately

Mini-speech outline

1. Start your speech by explaining the issue from his point of view.
2. State your intention to find a solution.
3. Tell him your specific plan for resolving the issue (possibly offering some alternatives for his behavior).
4. Ask him if your plan is acceptable to him (or ask him to choose an alternative).

Powerful techniques

1. Encourage him to open up
2. Question underlying thinking
3. Offer meaningless apology
4. Force him to make meaningful point
5. Force him to explain behaviors
6. Criticize him openly
7. Tell him you recognize his bullying nature
8. Tell him to leave you alone
9. Imply something is wrong with him
10. Imply he is a good person